I'm starting to pause and not rush into writing the way I used to.  I've found that there has to be a driving force behind any meaningful piece of literature.  I guess I'm stretching the word literature when I speak about blogs, but hey its writing and oddly enough people are cashing in on this.  Cashing in on something they enjoy doing.  I put writing and a lot of other things to the side so that I could focus on a family. I think I also put it to the side because, well there just isn't enough time in a week to do everything I was wanting to do. Writing a memoir, recording an album and surviving proved to be a bit too much to handle.  I'm not a public figure so the internet really has no point of reference to know all of my happenings.  I say that to foreshadow the rest of this diatribe to humanity. Over the course of 8 years I've had a handful of events thrown my way that would bring many people to go looney tunes.

2007 my dad passes away while I'm away at school.

2010 I graduate college with no true direction or money making source that would utilize my degree.

2011- I head out to Los Angeles to try and make my way into the entertainment industry.

2012 I return from LA, attempt to rebuild life and get married.

Today- I deal with a pretty vicious divorce and the lies I've had to uncover make me sick.

While all this goes on I still get up every day, drink my watered down tang and head to work.

Okay I don't really drink tang that was from "Married...with Children" but the point is there.  Before age 30 I've had these events thrown my way. I've done nothing to truly provoke any of the misfortune, aside from maybe failing in Los Angeles.  That is simply attributed to the fact that I didn't have that much money or time to live off of.

What's even more interesting to me is that I'm just expected to constantly move on.  I hear phrases that continue to lose meaning.  For example "Time heals all" and "it is what it is" or my personal favorite "God has a plan for everyone"  Pardon my french but God's plan fucking blows right now.  I mean seriously, call me selfish as maybe that statement was only applicable to me but really there's thousands out there who have been dealt this raw ass card and its all apart of a plan.  Whenever I really wanna clear my mind I just try and fathom how this plan is possible.  Regardless I'm not interested in turning this into a religious conversation, as I got that out of my system saturday night amongst shots of Rumplemintz and beer.  At this stage in the game we all have our religious preferences and I'm not about to stomp on anyone's beliefs. I'm a firm believer of freedom.  I'm simply pointing out for a power higher than us on earth-- for an entity to have this plan that involves free will and so much hate and suffering I just don't know how I can be apart of it. I just try to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated.

I have some ideas in the pipeline and now that I'm done playing family man its time to get back at it. I have a documentary that I'm going to start shooting soon. I'm getting more into music and will complete  my record, and I'm revisiting my memoir and of course-- adding a chapter or 2.  I'd rather not get into specifics on the documentary but once I start shooting there will be stills posted on here.

The divorce happened about as fast as the marriage and I'll inform people that when someone's been wronged and cheated on it does absolutely no good to tell the person that they made a mistake by rushing into things, or by being trusting. I wish I was kidding when I say that a few choice people tried to actually have the nerve to put blame on me for this disaster.

Now, I have to point out some good. Because there was some good. I found out that I have some of the most caring, generous friends on the planet. I really had no clue or I was just naive or didn't know. When this all went down the outpour of support was beyond overwhelming and I was very touched.  1 of my friends even when to the effort of stocking my fridge with food and buying me a fifth of Jack.  Thats a friend right there. I wish the circumstances were better for me to realize I have amazing friends and if the lesson I needed to learn was "I have great caring friends" There may have been other ways to teach me such lessons.

Yet again I move on.

I think I've had my life's quota of catastrophe before the age of 30 but then again tomorrow is another day.

Speaking of catastrophe, I had to go see a doctor last weekend amongst the midst of my personal life falling apart.  Turns out blood was coming from my wiener.  Since I'm no politician I refused to put a picture up on Twitter.  The unfortunate part for me is that with my 70 hour work schedule and being on 90 days new hire probation, there really was no time to see a doctor.  However when it comes to the safety and well-being of my penis Work can go fly a fucking kite.  Similar to a girl about to hit puberty I discovered blood in my underwear and wanted to cry.  Since I was at work when I found the bloody disaster I felt like I should just wait til tomorrow to go, since I work the evening shift.  Now once I got to urgent care I can assure everyone I gave the nurse and doctor something to remember.


The nurse sits me down and I'm explaining to her what my penis looks like and what was going on.  I'm positive I gave her way to many details and the look of horror on her face screamed Kodak.  She gave me a cup to pee in and left the room. I kind of didn't realize I was suppose to piss in the bathroom so once she left I dropped my shorts and peed in this cup.  I walk out of the examining room with a cup full of pee, and she sternly states that I probably should have gone to the bathroom and not peed in the examining room.

after the usual wait the doctor comes in. I'm convinced this doctor, although male, has no penis and the things he did to me were criminal.  I had to remind him that blood came from my penis and he need not beat the shit out of the poor little guy.  After he's done rubber gloving my penis I get the joy of a prostate exam. Fuck off to that. Once that was all said and done they gave me an order for meds that I have yet to get filled yet.  Mainly because that great insurance is forgetful and doesn't cover medication.  Sadly its a choice between pills and not being evicted.  What a glamorous life I live.

That's my doctor story for the day. I hope all of you got a good laugh and if you did throw a guy a bone here and lets cut me just an ounce of slack.  Life feels like 1 giant detox at the moment and it kind of freaks me out.


I guess to play devils advocate to all this, if I lived the life that many of my peers live I'd be bored out of my mind.

Thanks again everyone.